Diana in Wonderland
by MoonStruckTristesa
Summary: what if alice was a real person? what if her house was sold hundreds of years later to a girl who doesn't believe in wonderland? not exactly sure where this is going, so dont get mad...enjoy, if you want to..
1. Chapter 1: hitchhiking rabbit

"Never lose your child-like enthusiasm, and good things will come your way."

This was the PS my godfather finished with in his letter from prison. He very artfully avoided the topic which had gotten him in so much trouble, probably because his lawyer was going for an appeal. I didn't mind not getting the details, but it would be nice to know why he was facing life in prison.

Other than that, it was a letter of very good news, at least to me. Godfather Ray left me a present even my parents didn't want to get me for my graduation, hadn't even thought of trying to get: a house. And not just any house, a _mansion_, made of bricks and over a hundred years old with new appliances added in. It came with three acres of gardens, complete with apple tree and a lily-pond. He also, God bless his twisted soul, left me a monthly allowance of 500 dollars, which I already had access to.

I may only have been eighteen, but I moved straight out of my parents' house and was already settled into my palace within a week. It was very big and a little lonely, but that didn't really bother me; I was too busy making sure there were no broken windows, that the plumbing still ran water, that the snakes and bats vacated the house, and that the fridge was stocked.

Then there was the decorating, my favorite part. I painted the walls dark greens and reds and oranges, trying to follow my uncle's favorite philosophy. I kept his antique furniture and added some things of my own: a red plastic skeleton tree in my room, a sewing room filled with threads, clothes, and ribbons of every color, a painting room covered with art supplies I rarely even used…

When I was finished, I decided to tackle the hardest part of the house: the garden, where I had thrown the animals I didn't want to live with. It was overrun with weeds and mostly dying. I couldn't figure out why Ray even bought the place: he hated the outdoors almost as much as he hated animals.

I spent an entire week de-weeding and spreading Miracle-Gro on the land. I was pretty sure there was a flower-patch by the pond, but it could just have been very pretty weeds. Most of the animals seemed to go out of their way to avoid me, even when I came by the start of woods at the edge of the property.

And life went on. I put out an ad to try and find a job, and sat around the house until my monthly check came and I had to drive to town to cash it. The banker didn't believe I was eighteen until I showed her my ID, something that pisses me off but happens very often. I look very young, even for my age, probably more like a 12 year old, especially with my heavy brown curls and little-girl dresses.

After I finally got my money, I went to the market and bought some cheap food that could last a month, mostly canned soups and fruit cocktail, and other stuff like that. And I was walking the mile and a half home when the rabbit jumped me. It wasn't like it was attacking me, more like it was running _from_ an attack. Sure enough, no sooner did I get him in my grocery bag than we were approached by a plump red fox. It blinked at me almost like it would jump on me anyways, than turned it fat tail around and left.

I stared after it for a minute to make sure it was gone, then let the heavy white rabbit out and kept walking along the road. But when I looked behind me, the rabbit was hopping along after me. It twitched its nose like it knew I was watching, then started clawing at my leg like my aunt's baby Nester. "Fine," I grumbled, and scooped him up again. "But I swear, if you take a dump on my groceries, I'll lay you out for that fox."

I was home in almost five minutes, and the rabbit hopped out and blinked at me in a way that was almost smart. "Well," I muttered, "Go on, go home." And then I don't know why in the world I did this, because it made absolutely no sense at all, but I knelt down and told the rabbit, "Tell you what: you can pay me back by sending me a wacky friend and the adventure of my life."

The rabbit sat there for a second, just staring at me with its little blue eyes, then bounced off into the trees. I looked at myself and rolled my eyes, standing up. "What kind of an idiot am I, talking to hitch-hiking bunnies and telling him my wishes? I've been by myself too long and now I'm going nuts."

I went inside and put the groceries away. The house started looking too big and a little creepy now. I couldn't shake off the shivers running up and down my spine, even after I took a shower and turned up the heater. I was sitting on my bed watching the wind swirl around the dead plants when I noticed the rabbit sitting by the edge of my patio. Just sitting there and staring at me like my dear departed goldfish Fiona. I shivered and went for an early nap.

I was having a dream, I could feel it in my gut. But I was still freaking out as the fat white rabbit started bouncing on my stomach, growing bigger and heavier and hurting my gut until-

"ALICE!!"

I rolled out of bed and landed heavily, tangled in my sheets and looking around like a lunatic. I must have been dreaming, but I was sure I heard someone yelling something, even if I wasn't sure what it had been. I struggled back on my mattress and closed my eyes.

"ALLIIICCCEEE!!!"

That was definitely a real voice. I sat up with a fumble and opened my eyes-and screamed when I saw a man handing from my maple tree and rapping at my window. I thought, "Robbers, murderers, rapists, oh God!" I jumped up and fell flat on my face, trying to run for the phone. I had it in my hands, but it fumbled and landed in my trashcan.

I spun around at the man who was still hanging off the branch, and felt extremely confused as he called, "Alice, where are you?"

I didn't know any Alice. My name is Diana, always has been. I frowned at the man and was about to yell that he had the wrong address when the branch snapped and he disappeared in a quick fall. I thought, "What kind of person goes hanging off trees in the middle of the night?" And in a panic I screamed, "Ahh!! Lawsuit!" And I ran quickly down the stairs, hoping to every God I knew that the man was well and couldn't afford a lawyer.

I threw open the door- and stopped in my tracks. The man, in the wackiest outfit I'd ever seen, bowed at me and took off his tall velvet hat. I was about to ask how many shots he'd downed when he listed his head and gave me a half-friendly, half-mysterious grin, revealing pearly teeth.

"Hello again, Alice," he said in a soft voice.

I was about to correct him when he sighed and replaced his hat on his head. "Alice, don't you recognize me? It's me. Mad Hatter."


	2. Chapter 2: creepy strangers

Previously on _Diana in Wonderland:_

_I threw open the door- and stopped in my tracks. The man, in the wackiest outfit I'd ever seen, bowed at me and took off his tall velvet hat. I was about to ask how many shots he'd downed when he listed his head and gave me a half-friendly, half-mysterious grin, revealing pearly teeth. _

"_Hello again, Alice," he said in a soft voice._

_I was about to correct him when he sighed and replaced his hat on his head. "Alice, don't you recognize me? It's me. Mad Hatter."_

I blinked, a million thoughts running through my head at once. Should I laugh at the joke? Threaten to call the cops? Offer to call his nearest relative? No normal person would have gone to these lengths over just a prank, though and definitely not smile after falling two floors into a pile of weeds.

Instead of saying something smart, I asked, "Aren't you supposed to be a short old man?" And I realized he looked nothing like the Hatter in the Disney movie; he was tall, and barely over twenty, with normal green eyes and normal, if very messy, brown hair. But he _was_ dressed a bit like the Hatter I remembered: big boots and pants short enough to show his ankles, and a suit jacket and collared shirt that didn't match together or with his ridiculous tie. And the hat was definitely the same.

The man who called himself the Mad Hatter sighed and nodded, "You are very wise, as always, Alice. But I am not the only one changed. Wonderland is a different place from what it used to be. Which is why-"

"My name is not Alice!" I snapped, starting to feel a bit annoyed with the man, whoever he was. "I am Diana, not Alice, and I've never met you before in my life!"

"But Diana," he said with an earnest face, "all of you are Alices, decreed by the Red Queen since the first Visit. Anyone from the Land of Alice is to be called an Alice. So you are Alice Diana."

I tried to understand this, concentrating more than I wanted to at two in the morning. "So Alice is a title, like a Dean of Admissions?"

The man frowned. "That depends. Does Dean of Admissions wander between your world and our?"

"No." I could feel a headache coming on.

"Well, then they're nothing alike at all!" The man laughed at me. "You're much funnier than the last Alice. All she did was yell at us for being ourselves, and cry when we didn't help her find what she was looking for."

I massaged my forehead, still very tired. "Listen, was there something you wanted, or is this all just a waste of time?"

"Nothing is a waste of time, so long as time is still running. But I am here on behalf of a friend you recently met."

I was normally a pacifist, but right then I wanted to slap him so I could go to sleep. "What friend?" I groaned, already feeling a bit hazy.

He pulled off his hat and handed it to me. I frowned and looked inside. There , sitting up and sniffing the air, was the fat white rabbit I had carried home, only now he was wearing a red vest and a top hat. "This is _so_ not funny. And how did you know about him in the first place?"

The man shrugged. "You were the one who asked for an adventure as payment. I am here to deliver. Now, we must hurry and get back to Wonderland before-"

"Hold on," I snapped, now getting a bit worried, "how did you know about my wishes? Are you some kind of stalker or something?"

"No," the man now looked offended. "_He_ told me. Who else? Go on, Cotton," he frowned into the hat and the rabbit curled up at the bottom. "Go on and tell her."

I rolled my eyes, getting very fed up with this prank. "Come on! There is no way a rabbit can talk-"

And then, from inside the now-trembling hat, a timid voice peeped, " That is incorrect, Miss Alice, but if you wish it, I will remain silent in your presence."

I stared at the white rabbit in shock. It had spoken, in better English than me, and it was looking at me as if waiting for an answer. This was not a dream: if it had been, there would have been chocolate in it. And the only thing I could say to it was, "My name is Diana…."

*_*******_

When I woke up from that awful shocker, I was sitting on my kitchen floor with my head at an uncomfortable 90% angle. Massaging my neck, I stared at my kitchen table, where the Mad Hatter and White Rabbit were staring at my teapot in concentration.

My first thought was, "Oh, my God, the Mad Hatter and the White Rabbit are real, and they're sitting at my kitchen." Then I raised an eyebrow. Why were they staring at my teapot? It wasn't on the stove, it was just sitting on the table like a fat, ugly vase with no flowers, but they were watching it like they expected it to catch fire.

"I think it's broken," The Rabbit mumbled.

"Why would Alice own a broken teapot? That makes absolutely no sense. Maybe it just takes a little longer to heat up." The Hatter looked in the teapot and sighed.

I stood with a groan. It seemed all men, even the surreal ones, were absolutely hopeless on their own. "That is _not_ how you use a teapot," I snapped, picking it up and setting it on the stove.

The Rabbit twitched his nose. "What do you mean? All teapots work on their own back home."

"But this isn't Wonderland, so you have to use a stove." I set it on the burner with a tired thud and started setting the dial. "How much water did you put in-" I look up and jumped. The two Wonderlanders were watching me like I was doing something unbelievable.

"We have to put water in overt here?" The Rabbit blinked and started taking notes in a little notebook I hadn't noticed before.

I shook my head and went over to the sink, filling it with hot, steamy water. The Rabbit muttered, "Alice owns a river in a pipe that flows at will…." I rolled my eyes and put it back on the burner, starting the fire, then sat down to wait for the water to boil.

The Hatter stayed by the stove and watched the flames like a preschooler watching TV, and the Rabbit hopped from the sink to the table with one big bounce. I figured this was as good a time as any to ask questions, so I turned to the bunny. "So, Mr. Rabbit-"

He twitched his nose, "Actually, Miss, my name is not Mr. Rabbit. He is my father. I am Cotton, if it pleases you, Miss."

What do you know, I thought, a rabbit with manners. "Okay Cotton, you said you had a mission for me? What is it? Lose to the Red Queen? Hire Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum a psychologist? Put the Cashmire Cat in a collar?"

Instead of Cotton, the Hatter spoke, not taking his eyes off the fire. "Not anything so silly, Miss Alice Diana. You have arrived just in the time when Wonderland needs help the most. Change has gone very bad, and slowly our world has been dying. Just when we had lost all hope, Cotton spoke of you. Our mission is to find out what is wrong and cure everything before we completely disappear."

Much as I didn't usually believe in this kind of business, everything else they had said proved truthful enough. And if they were as sincere as they seemed, them we needed to get to work right away. I glanced at the two of them with a worried mind. Saving a world sounded like a time-consuming business, especially if they didn't know what was wrong.

I ran a hand though my hair with a sigh. "So how much time do we have?"

The Hatter still didn't look up from the flames. It was Cotton who spoke with a nervous twitch of the nose.

" Two days."


	3. Chapter 3:just a kick away

**Thanks for the comments! Here it goes…**

Previously on _Diana in Wonderland…_

_Much as I didn't usually believe in this kind of business, everything else they had said proved truthful enough. And if they were as sincere as they seemed, them we needed to get to work right away. I glanced at the two of them with a worried mind. Saving a world sounded like a time-consuming business, especially if they didn't know what was wrong. _

_I ran a hand though my hair with a sigh. "So how much time do we have?"_

_The Hatter still didn't look up from the flames. It was Cotton who spoke with a nervous twitch of the nose._

" _Two days."_

If there was anything that could give me an early heart attack , it was having the future of an entire world on my head, and only two days to save everyone. If I had a team of dozens of super geniuses, I wouldn't be so terrified. But the only people who seemed like they were with me were a rabbit that couldn't even breath without shaking, and a man known for his madness. A man who seemed more fascinated by fire than with the mission.

Cotton seemed to understand how I felt. He turned to Hatter and twittered, "Perhaps we should make haste, as we are so short of time."

He finally looked up, and grinned like a kid who had taken a dump on his mother's favorite sweater. "Nonsense," he said, "Time is always handy if you ask him nicely."

Before I could bother rolling my eyes, Cotton whispered, "I thought you were no longer on speaking terms. What if he decides to work against us?"

I blinked. They were taking about time like it was a person, not a thing. And there was no way to talk to Time, was there? But then again, I had thought Wonderland didn't exist, and I was wrong.. It was better to just sit back and watch the madness at work.

Hatter, still smiling, marched right over to my uncle's grandfather clock and knocked on the case. I jumped, sure he was going to break the glass. But instead, it started rattling like there was a rat inside. And Hatter called, "Time? It's me, Hatter. I know you're still angry about that misunderstanding with the Queen, but I need your help."

The rattling turned wilder, and Hatter had to scream, "I found an Alice to help us!"

Now the clock calmed down, and a dusty voice wheezed, "You owe me…" And the clock went completely silent, like it was supposed to be.

Hatter shrugged at us as I tried to understand what exactly had happened. "You see, Cotton, all you have to do is be persuasive."

I decided to ignore his very smug look and instead asked, "So how much time do we have now?"

"As much as we like," he answered with a glint of the eye. I frowned at him, wanting to shout that even if Time was on our side, I didn't want to waste it just standing around.

Cotton jumped down from the table, already heading for the door. Hatter started to follow, and I realized that I might as well forget about having tea and a warm breakfast, because they had no sympathy for me and my hunger pangs. I took a bar of chocolate and tried to stuff it in my pocket- only I didn't have a pocket. I was still in my pajamas.

"Hold on," I shouted at their backs. "I'm not leaving until I've got my proper clothes on!" And I dashed up to my room to get ready.

I was still trying to decide what one should have on when saving the world when someone thumped on my door and shouted, "It would be nice to get a move-on now."

I glared at the Hatter's voice, but knew he was right. So I stepped into the first dress I saw, and marched out in an angry huff, gym shoes making an ugly squeak on the floor. Cotton was sitting on Hatter's shoulders, shaking like a leaf. Hatter, however, looked very at ease. "Let's go," I snapped, and marched out into the garden.

"So, where is the rabbit-hole, anyways?" I had to fall back and follow the Hatter, and Cotton turned to talk to me.

"It isn't far. Just a few paces into the trees." And as Cotton spoke, we _did _head into the skeletal woods. My shoes got stuck in the mud with every step, but Hatter didn't seem to have any trouble at all, especially not with letting me fall behind. I was getting tired, and wanting to drop-kick the Hatter.

We stopped after about ten minutes, and I was huffing like I had run a marathon. The Hatter took off his hat and waved it at a hole the size of a tiny man-hole. "There is _no way_ I can fit through there," I gasped. I mean, I'm not fat, but I have rather full hips, and I wouldn't have fit through that hole at _ten_.

"There is no other way," Cotton whimpered. "At least, not unless you're part fish."

"Go on," added the not-so-helpful Hatter. "We'll help you along."

That struck at my pride. "I will _not_ need help," I snapped, and stuck my head in the hole. So far, so good. I was in up to my waist when my hips jammed on the wood, and a felt a flush of embarrassment on my face. I tried to pull myself forward in the dark, but only managed to get more stuck. I wanted to bite my tongue, but I called, "I need help. I've gotten jammed."

For a moment, nothing happened. And then there was a painful and repetitive thumping on my bottom. "What the _hell _are you doing?!" My scream echoed eerily around the rabbit hole.

The thumping stopped, and Cotton called, "Forgive me, Miss, but there is no other way. You can only go forward through the rabbit-hole, not backwards."

Suddenly the walls felt too close to me, and my breathing turned shallow. "You have _got_ to get me moving. Please! I don't care if it takes a crow bar, just GET ME MOVING!"

There was a far sharper slam on my backside, and suddenly I was falling, very quickly and headfirst, down the rabbit hole, which widened out into a huge cave with the most average household items stuck to the walls. My bottom was still stinging, and as I passed a mirror I saw a very long, muddy boot print stuck to my dress. "I'll kill him," I muttered, already rushing past at a speed much faster than was in the movie. The Hatter had actually gone and kicked me through the hole, like the insensitive loon he was.

Far above, I could see the shadows of Cotton and Hatter as they fell at a much slower and dreamier state. A rush of panic made me scream, "Why am I going so fast?!"

Cotton's voice echoed off the walls as he cried, "Your hurry to get moving is making the magic comply to your will!"

So now it was my fault? I screamed, "What happens if I don't slow down?!"

This time the Hatter answered, and even form so far away, I could see him shrug. "It's never happened before. You'll probably break a leg."

"But I'm falling head-first!" I could feel the blood rushing to my head, making my fear all the worst. And I was getting very angry that they dragged me into this mess in the first place.

"Well, then you must roll over right away!" This time the Hatter actually sounded concerned.

"Why?!" I had a feeling the answer wasn't something I wanted to hear but of course I had to ask.

"At this rate, you could die!"

And just like that, I could feel myself sweep into unconsciousness….


	4. Chapter 4: misery and riddles

Previously on _Diana in Wonderland:_

"_But I'm falling head-first!" I could feel the blood rushing to my head, making my fear all the worst. And I was getting very angry that they dragged me into this mess in the first place._

"_Well, then you must roll over right away!" This time the Hatter actually sounded concerned. _

"_Why?!" I had a feeling the answer wasn't something I wanted to hear but of course I had to ask._

"_At this rate, you could die!"_

_And just like that, I could feel myself sweep into unconsciousness…._

But I rarely fainted, and I woke up about ten seconds later. After all, fainting never helps anyone, especially not the person who faints. And right now I really needed to be conscious. I was another twenty feet down, now barely able to see the things I was passing. But I concentrated and managed to follow the Hatter's advice, rolling so I fell feet-first, but getting a very sick wave of nausea.

Now I could see the ground coming closer _very_ quickly, and it didn't look like there was anything to break my fall. And that ground did not look soft or flexible either; in fact, it looked suspiciously like concrete. But they didn't have concrete in Wonderland, did they? I hoped not, or this landing was really going to hurt.

I was so close to landing and still going so fast, that I squeezed my eyes shut, as if I would wake up and be safe at home. Instead, something hard slammed into my back. I felt another rush of nausea, and then, very roughly but not as painfully as I expected, the fall ended.

I rolled over and over with the thing that had hit me, then landed on it with a gasp. That had been more of a nightmare than a wonder, even if I hadn't died or broken a bone. I sat up to see how close to the ground the others were- and realized I was sitting on the Hatter.

I almost thanked him, but then I remembered the enormous boot-print still plastered to the back of my skirt, and I started punching his chest as hard as I could. I was pretty weak, since I didn't work out a day in my life, but Hatter at least looked a little pained as he pushed me off him.

I hit the floor with an graceless thud, glaring at his thin frame as he looked up the tunnel and called, "How close to landing are you?"

Cotton landed a second later, and hopped into my lap, whimpering, "I am most apologetic, Miss. I would not have put you through that, had there been any other form of arrival."

"Save your apologies, Cotton." Hatter was already making his way to a door in the little room, pulling out a little key and opening the door.

I frowned. "Isn't this a little easy? I mean, isn't there supposed to be a talking doorknob and a shrinking potion and a growing cake?" That was all I could remember from the movie.

Hatter just rolled his eyes and walked through. Cotton, being the sweeter of the two, answered, "It used to be so, but as we said, things in Wonderland have been quite altered. This is nothing compared to the horrors within."

Horrors within? This was sounding less and less like somewhere I wanted to be, and I seriously wanted to go home. But I followed the twitchy rabbit in through the doorway, hoping things weren't as bad as they made it seem.

I stepped inside and the door closed behind me. I jumped as it slammed loudly and seemed almost to echo. Dusting the mud off my dress, I finally looked up at Wonderland, the world where the impossible is reality and no one is sane- and felt my jaw drop.

Wonderland no longer had every color of the rainbow at every turn. It no longer had mad talking animals wandering around having the time of their lives. Instead, it had become a city like Tim Burton's _Sweeny Todd_, gloomy and gray, and almost completely filled with twisted wooden buildings.

And the animals were no longer running around doing as they pleased; they were _working_, normal work like sweeping the streets or cleaning store windows. And no one, especially not Cotton or Hatter, was smiling.

All I could say was, "Wow." This was unbelievable, and it really was horrible, in a twisted way. I had been expecting a place of miracles, and now all I felt was…disappointed. I could see exactly why they wanted help.

Hatter just looked around sadly for a moment, then started walking along a cobble-stone street. I followed like a child, not feeling like arguing. Instead, I asked, " Why is this happening?"

Cotton, taking a leap onto Hatter's shoulder, gave me a miserable twitch of the nose. "I wish we knew. Then we would be one step closer to fixing this."

"So where are we going, if we don't know where to start?" I looked at the creatures we passed, but not a single one lifted their eyes from their work.

"We're going to the one person mad enough to have an idea where to start," the Hatter threw over his shoulder, and quickened his pace.

"But how can madness help? It's completely useless."

"Nonsense." Hatter turned a corner and I had to jog to keep up. He continued, "Madness is exactly what we need. If you look in the official Wonderland Dictionary, the definition of Madness is 'A different way of thinking from the norm'. Since the normal way of thinking hasn't helped, then clearly we need to think in another way. And what more different way of thinking is there but the Mad way?"

I couldn't keep up with that, but it did sound like it made sense. "But you're the Mad Hatter. Don't you already think madly enough?"

"I already tried, and I failed. Now I have to turn to the only person with more madness than me."

"And who could that be?" After his wacky explanation, I couldn't think of a living soul madder than him.

We stopped abruptly, and I walked into Hatter's back. Cotton pointed to the sign above a tiny shop door. In curly black letters, it read 'Cheshire Cat's Maddening Advice'. Of course; the Cheshire Cat. Why hadn't _I_ thought of that?

Rolling my eyes, I followed the two as they entered the shop. This door closed much nicer than the one before, and I felt free to look around. The store was completely empty except for two chairs and a fat striped cat the size of a Doberman, who slinked right up to us with a creepy, "So.. you've found a new Alice. And, I must say, far more aggressive than the last. That will be helpful."

The Cat smelled like old fish, and I could see a hint of a fin caught between his front teeth. He held out a curled paw, and Cotton dropped in a large fish that should not have been so familiar. "Hey," I snapped, "You got that from my fridge!"

"Human food? Even better!" The Cat dropped in in his mouth without bothering to bite it, then focused his big green eyes on me with a suddenly serious and very eerie glow. He muttered, _"A curse perfected, a cure reflected. The universe balanced in the mind's weakest path_."Then he made a toothy grin. "Unless you've got a bigger fish, that's all you get."

"That'll do well enough," Hatter tipped his hat to the Cat and marched out. As I passed the Cat, he winked and a cold shiver crawled under my skin. I was more than glad to walk out into the sooty streets.

"I didn't get it," I whined as I followed the Hatter down the street. "I mean, if we don't know the curse, how can we see the cure? And what is the mind's biggest path? And who's mind are we looking for?"

Cotton blinked rapidly. "When in doubt, you should drink tea. It helps open up _all_ the paths in the mind, hopefully including the one we're looking for."

This was another I-don't-get-it moment for me, which probably meant I should go along with it. I once again had to jog to keep up with them. "Where ..are we ..going?" I barely managed to gasp out the words. As I said, I am not athletically inclined, and jogging through Wonderland was doing more bad than good.

"We're going to the best Tea-place in all of Wonderland," Hatter made a right turn, and I clipped my shoulder on the building.

Not bothering to ask him to slow down, I asked, "And where.. Is that?"

He turned and grinned. "Why, my shop, of course."


	5. Chapter 5: hats and teatime

**Thanks to everyone for reading and leaving comments! Here's chapter 5...**

Previously on _Diana in Wonderland:_

_This was another I-don't-get-it moment for me, which probably meant I should go along with it. I once again had to jog to keep up with them. "Where ..are we ..going?" I barely managed to gasp out the words. As I said, I am not athletically inclined, and jogging through Wonderland was doing more bad than good._

"_We're going to the best Tea-place in all of Wonderland," Hatter made a right turn, and I clipped my shoulder on the building. _

_Not bothering to ask him to slow down, I asked, "And where.. Is that?"_

_He turned and grinned. "Why, my shop, of course."_

This made no sense to me, probably because I hadn't seen or heard anything to do with Wonderland since the fifth grade. "Don't you… make hats? I didn't …know you run.. a tea-shop… too."

"Of course I don't run a tea-shop. That's an absolutely stupid thing for a _Hatter_ to do." He sped up again, and now I was jogging to keep up, barely able to breath anymore.

The lack of air was making my head slow, so I had to ask, "So what are we… doing going… to a Hat-shop.. for.. tea?"

The Hatter laughed. "I run a hat-shop, but I also happen to make the best tea here. Just because I don't get paid for it doesn't mean I don't do it. You Alices really don't get much, do you?"

I decided to ignore that, partly because I knew I couldn't win against a Mad person, but mostly because I was about to pass out from so much running in the same hour. So when the Hatter finally stopped moving, I slammed right into him, and fell backwards onto the pavement. My bottom, which had barely started to get better after that kick, instantly started hurting again.

The Hatter didn't even notice, just walked up to the store with 'Mad Hatter's Hats' written across the top, and pushed the door open. Dear Cotton noticed me not getting up and hopped up to me. "My apologies, Miss. I should have warned you about his speed. 'Tis why I ride his shoulder during travels."

"Well, thanks for the thought." It was nice to know my speed wasn't really all that slow, even if there was nothing I could do about it. After all, it wasn't like _I _could ride on one of the Hatter's shoulders, at least not without knocking him down. But then again, I did owe him for that kick…

I shook off the thought and followed Cotton inside the store. Everywhere I looked, there were hats. And not just normal hats with a brim and bowl. There were hats shaped like playing cards, and tea cups, and even one with a working snow globe instead of a top. I had to admit, for an extremely Mad man, he could really make a hat.

The Hatter was looking at a set of hats on the top shelf. "You know," he said to no one in particular, "not a single person, animal or thing has ever left this shop without a hat, not even the White Queen, and she usually just wears her crown."

"Well, that's nice.." I wasn't really sure what to say. After all, he would find some way to twist my words, like usual. And after all that exercise getting here, I had no energy left to defend myself.

When he turned back, he had his hands behind his back. "I can't have anyone walking out without a hat, or it'll ruin my lovely record. Cotton is already wearing one of my hats, so that just leaves you."

Before I could do more than blink, I felt something land softly on my head. I didn't want to know what monstrosity he had stuck on me. I reached up to touch it, but the Hatter caught my hand. "No touching, or you'll ruin the tilt I gave it." And he waved at a mirror across the room.

The mirror stood and walked over on weird little bird's legs, making me jump. I really wasn't getting used to Wonderland ways. But when the mirror sat down across from me, I felt a very nice wave of happiness up my spine that turned my face red.

He had given me a deep purple hat, but not a ridiculous one. Probably the only normal thing in the room, it was small and cute, with a royal blue ribbon tied on it. It reminded me of the hats on porcelain dolls, and I kind of looked like one in the dress I was in. I hadn't expected such a nice gesture, and when I looked up at Hatter in the mirror, he was wearing genuine smile.

"I made this one recently," He touched the hat as he spoke, "The hat is made of velvet, and the ribbon is pure silk. I had to send Cotton up to your world to find them, but I think it was worth it, especially now that there is someone who suites it."

As he explained, his eyes turned a prettier shade of green, and my face turned a deeper shade of red. Was he actually being nice to me? This was very hard to understand, and I didn't look away from him until he turned and started walking out of the shop. "Now hurry up. Good tea must be had while the day is just started."

That moment was officially over. I took one last look in the mirror, not sure what he meant by giving me a hat, unless it really _was _a sense of pride. And when I turned to Cotton, he was not twitching, but curling his whiskers, and he almost seemed _smug._ Not sure I wanted to know what he was thinking, I went out the door Hatter had disappeared through.

Outside was a fenced-in yard, with two skeleton trees and a very long table. It was a normal table, and there was only one tea set out, which was too normal. "What's wrong with the table?" I whispered to Cotton, pretty sure something was off.

"Time is only forgiving Hatter temporarily, so the March Hare is taking advantage. After many years, he will finally be able to wash dishes, and not have to drink tea."

"Oh." Now I remembered. Time had been pissed with Hatter and Hare, and had made it so it was always tea-time. After many years not washing dishes, I would be doing the same as Hare.

Hatter was serving tea into tiny silver cups, which surprised me. I hadn't thought silver would stay shiny after years without washing, but apparently it was possible, because I could see my reflection on the cup.

"Here," he handed me the cup without a glance. "you must drink tea at 20% above room temperature."

I took a careful sip- and realized he was right. It was sweet, but not overbearing, rich but not overdone, warm but not scorching. And it had just the slightest hint of mint in it. "This is lovely," I breathed, for a moment forgetting everything but the tea.

"I know." He took a sip of his own, seeming completely relaxed for the first time since I'd met him. I had seen him showing off, ignoring me, in a hurry, and I liked this much more, almost as much as the moment when he gave me the hat…

Cotton grinned as much as it is possible for a rabbit to grin. "Perfect as always, Hatter."

The word perfection reminded me of the riddle we needed to solve. "What curse is perfected?"

Cotton's nose started twitching again, and I was sorry I bought it up. And Hatter put down his cup with a sigh. "I suppose it could have something to do with the Red Queen."

All I remembered about the Red Queen was that her army was made of cards. "What does the Red Queen have to do with it?"

"She's a curse, and she thinks herself perfection."

I accidentally let a tiny giggle escape, and the Hatter grinned at me. "Seriously, we need to think about this while we still can."

Cotton was wearing a very serious face. "A curse perfected, and a cure reflected. A cure _reflected_!" He suddenly seemed very excited, his whiskers curling up. "We should go see the Magic Mirror."

I blinked. I may have been rusty with my Disney-movie characters, but I was pretty sure the Magic Mirror was from Snow White. But then again, this _was_ Wonderland.

Hatter rubbed his jaw, seeming to think on it for a while. "I suppose it's worth a try," he muttered. "After all, we do have a lot of time, and there really are no other leads for us to follow." He stood and held out his arm, and Cotton climbed up in two tugs.

"Come along, Alice," He called over his shoulder, and started walking off without another glance. From on that same shoulder, Cotton made what looked very much like a shrug.

"My name is _DIANA_!" I don't know why I bothered reminding him, and my face turned as red as when he'd given me that unfriendly kick. But I didn't really have a choice, so I followed the Hatter and Cotton to I don't know where, off to see a Magic Mirror that wasn't even supposed to be in this world.


	6. Chapter 6: jumpers and reflections

**Sorry this took so long. I blame school…**

Previously on _Diana in Wonderland:_

"_Come along, Alice," He called over his shoulder, and started walking off without another glance. From on that same shoulder, Cotton made what looked very much like a shrug. _

"_My name is DIANA!" I don't know why I bothered reminding him, and my face turned as red as when he'd given me that unfriendly kick. But I didn't really have a choice, so I followed the Hatter and Cotton to I don't know where, off to see a Magic Mirror that wasn't even supposed to be in this world. _

We didn't leave through the store, but instead left through the back gate, which looked very much like a troll reaching out to the sky. And I screamed when it reached out and tried to snatch at my dress.

"Don't be upset with Gate. He's never seen an Alice before," Hatter marched along the dead pavement and up to a black metal tree, which had all sorts of little things hanging from it: watches, canes, hammers…He reached out and pulled down three umbrellas with missing spokes and twisted handles.

Hatter handed the smallest to Cotton, who dutifully opened it. Hatter got the least damaged one, leaving me with something that resembled a falling circus tent. I was very confused, but didn't bother to ask why I could possibly need an umbrella on a cloudless day. I just opened the dangerous contraption and followed as Hatter continued his inhuman pace.

He stopped so suddenly that, if I hadn't been so far behind, I would have fallen. And if I had fallen, I would have gone a very long ways down the craggy cliff-side, and probably made a disgusting splat at the bottom. As it was, I was nearly hyperventilating, both from fear and from so much exercise.

I was about to ask why we were standing by the cliff-side while their world fell apart, but I felt a sharp bit of fear as Hatter and Cotton held their ruined umbrellas in the air and stepped to the end of the fall. Had they gone suicidal from all their troubles? Did they get thrills from near-death experiences? I didn't really feel like finding out.

Hatter glared over his shoulder at me. "Come on Alice. We haven't got all day."

I tried to calm down. "What exactly do you want me to do?" Maybe my eyes were fooling me and there was no drop-off.

"Jumping off the cliff is the fastest way to the Mirror. Now hurry up." Hatter took another step closer to his death, Cotton following without even a twitch of his whiskers.

This made me a bit hysterical. "I am _not _jumping. The only way I could survive that jump is if I was freakin' Mary Poppins. And do I look like Mary Poppins to you?"

Hatter shrugged. "I don't know her, so I can't say you do. But right now the only option we have is to jump, so I suggest you ready your parasol."

I did the most childish thing ever: I stomped my foot and threw the umbrella off the cliff-side. Hatter gave me a very disappointed look, and, instead of backing down, grabbed my waist and pulled me off the cliff with him.

A series of curse words I didn't even realize I knew were running through my head, and I screamed out, "LET ME GO!"

Hatter made a face. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea," he muttered, and glanced pointedly down his nose.

The sight of the ground hundreds of feet away made my stomach flop, and I tightened my hold on Hatter, since my life depended on it. I had never felt so very close to dying, and I wondered when we would splatter a new design on the ground.

But there was no crash. When I finally worked up the nerve to look down again, I realized we were floating, the same way I couldn't do on the way through the rabbit-hole. And it was so dream-like, I actually smiled and closed my eyes, losing track of our non-existent time.

We landed with little more than a thud, but I still almost lost my balance and would have landed on Cotton if Hatter hadn't caught my hand. His was so much larger that my entire hand disappeared in his fist. For a moment my face turned warm, but I remembered I was supposed to be upset with him and snatched my hand away, dusting my skirt.

I looked up from my struggle-and almost forgot to breath. The largest mirror I had ever seen was a mirror-wall in my cousin's dance studio. But this was so much bigger and better than any old wall; there was a huge mountain in front of us, as tall as I imagined one of the Himalayas would be, and the _entire thing_, every little crack and fallen chip, were made of mirror. I blinked at the thousands of reflections looking back at us, now a little unnerved. This was definitely not from any story I could remember, and it was a little creepy, especially since the mountainside looked like a crooked scratched-out face.

Hatter and Cotton had left me behind, marching right up to the cliff face. Oddly enough, they were still holding their umbrellas up, and Hatter called up to the million-faceted mirror, "Mr. Glass, could we have a word?"

I was about to call him an idiot for talking to a Cliffside, but then there was a grinding, screechy sound, and the mountain face actually started to move, launching little bits of the now-broken mirror at the Hatter. The lumps that had looked like a face actually _were_ one, with two half-spheres next to each other as eyes, one thin triangle sticking out like the world's skinniest nose, and a gaping, changing sliver for a mouth.

Out of the constantly shattering mouth came a metallic, "What do you want? Can't an old mirror enjoy his last hours in sleep?" As he spoke, the mirror-mountain rained down a light shower of glass slivers that bounced off their umbrellas and landed on the ground with a weak shatter.

Hatter pulled off his hat, looking nervous for the first time since I'd met him. "That is why I'm here. I found an Alice, and I think you can help her save us." I wasn't sure, but he sounded almost like a child making excuses to a teacher. I felt so sorry for him, I let it slide that he called me Alice again.

The two half orbs seemed to change their focus, and I saw my face reflecting off the disco-ball-like surface. Another spurt of glass escaped Mirror's mouth as he wheezed, "What are you waiting for? Come closer, Alice."

Too scared to say anything, I stepped forward and stood next to Hatter, trying to focus on the mirror's face and not my reflection. I felt so nervous that I actually reached for Hatter's hand and held on tight. Instead of pulling away like I expected, he gave my hand a light squeeze.

"And what could I, an old mirror, do for an Alice?" The shower of glass was much more threatening up close, almost cutting through the leather of the umbrella.

My throat grew tight as I called, "I was hoping you would now what was killing Wonderland."

The orbs seemed to roll as he said, "Of course I know! I reflect on everything. I can't tell you, though."

This news made my stomach roll. "Is there something you could tell me? Anything at all that could help?"

"I'm afraid not." I felt Hatter's hand convulse, and I knew he was as disappointed as me. Then the grinding voice continued, "But I could show you. Come forward, all of you, and look into my best eye."

"The eye of solutions. This must be it," Cotton whispered in my ear, tickling my face with his whiskers. In all the excitement, I almost forgot he was here, too.

The rumbling in the mountain was now happening right in front of us, and as I watched, a different piece of mirror, greener than the rest, pushed forward in a little oval, at my eye-level. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but that didn't seem appropriate. "Ask your question," Mirror grumbled.

With a small nudge from Cotton, I stepped forward and watched my breath fog the reflection. I whispered, almost soundlessly, "What must be done to save Wonderland?" Then I took a step back to see the reflection.

For a moment, all I saw was my face. Hatter still had my hand, and he squeezed it assuringly. I took another shaky breath, and then the reflection morphed into something else. I became transfixed by the sight, like a child watching new Saturday cartoons.

The glass had become a screen, and I saw myself still holding hands with the Hatter, but I was in a white dress and he was all in black. Hatter was yelling at a woman dressed all in red with her back turned towards the screen. As I watched, Hatter and I meshed lips, and I felt my face redden. This couldn't be right. But before I could dwell on this, I saw us back in my house, only now my stomach was huge and Hatter was massaging it, Cotton twittering in the background. And then the image seemed to rip away from the screen like old wall paper, and I saw Wonderland as it was now, dark and miserable. And as I watched, the world seemed to grow color, and the buildings crumbled, making way for the forests to grow back.

The screen went black, and I gave Mirror a frantic look, not sure what to say or do. Finally, I managed to stammer, "What does this mean?"

"How should I know? You're the Alice," the mirror grumbled, and then there was a huge shower of glass that cut my arms as I shielded my face. When the noise stopped, I lowered my hands, and there was no face on the mountain, just the reflection of me and my comrades.

"What do we do now?" My whisper hung in the air, and neither gave me an answer.


	7. Chapter 7: the rabbit clan

Previously on _Diana in Wonderland:_

_The screen went black, and I gave Mirror a frantic look, not sure what to say or do. Finally, I managed to stammer, "What does this mean?"_

"_How should I know? You're the Alice," the mirror grumbled, and then there was a huge shower of glass that cut my arms as I shielded my face. When the noise stopped, I lowered my hands, and there was no face on the mountain, just the reflection of me and my comrades. _

"_What do we do now?" My whisper hung in the air, and neither gave me an answ_er.

I stood still for a moment, trying to digest our dilemma. Our last shot for finding a solution had gone completely wrong, causing more damage to my already fragile mind. I could not understand what arguing and _kissing_ would do to save anyone. And I couldn't get the picture of a baby-swollen me out of my head, because that just didn't seem possible, much less helpful.

Hatter was the person I focused on to try and forget those images, but that didn't work; in fact, the way he stared at me just caused me to panic. The face he was making was the same expression my godfather made when I asked him what he was being stuck in prison for, and I don't think I need to explain just how unnerving that look feels, especially when it's aimed at you. But as intimidated as I felt, I still held onto Hatter's hand as I focused on Cotton.

"What do we do now?" I repeated the question, and this time Cotton stammered out, "I think we have to go to _her_, Hatter."

This made Hatter jolt into action so fast that he almost tugged my arm out of place. He focused that scary expression on the already twitchy Cotton and snapped, "There is no way that could help. And we only have time for helpful actions."

"But Mr. Glass specifically showed-"

"NO!" I flinched at the pitch Hatter's voice took, taken off guard. I had only been here for a little while, bit I was pretty sure his voice wasn't built to go so high. And I also knew my hand had small bones, and the pressure he was putting on them wasn't feeling very comfortable.

I must have made a sound of pain, because Hatter turned back to me and let go of my hand. I didn't look at him as I massaged it, instead asking, "Who is this person we're supposed to visit?" I already had a good guess, but maybe I would just be wrong once again.

Hatter frowned and crossed his arms like an angry child, not saying anything. But Cotton nibbled one of his whiskers and muttered, "The Red Queen."

"Great," I whispered. I may not have paid attention to this story when I was younger, but I could still remember the annoying woman's voice screeching, "Off with their heads!" I had to admit, Mad as the Hatter was, avoiding the Red Queen sounded like a smart idea to me.

Cotton seemed to read my thoughts. "I know the Queen can be _disagreeable_, but the Mirror saw us going to her, so the decision is already set."

"Couldn't we go to the White Queen? Perhaps she's begun wearing red now, and it was her we saw." Hatter tried to sound convincing, but even I could tell this was a bogus excuse.

And, as I saw our reflection still standing in the same place liked some stupid travelers trying to choose their next stop, I got angry. I only got dragged here because _they _asked me to, and I was _not_ going to stand around while everything Wonderful died off.

In one quick move, I slapped both the Hatter and Cotton in the same sweep of my hand. I flinched as I heard my hand hit them, but didn't blink as they gaped. "Now listen up," I snapped, trying to keep brave, "I came here to save Wonderland, so we better get moving NOW! I don't care if the Red Queen tries to take off our heads, but I'd like to at least _try_ to get something good done." Once I finished my short rant, I took a shaky breath and waited for a response.

Hatter seemed too stunned to respond, but Cotton nodded so hard, he half-slipped off the Hatter's shoulder. "Yes, Alice, right away Alice!"

I blinked at the fright in his voice, deciding to take advantage. "The name's Diana."

Hatter seemed to have gained speech, and actually grinned at me. "Now you've stopped skulking, I think we may have a sporting chance."

"So we're going to the Red Queen now?" I tried to put some authority into my voice, but it seemed my moment had passed.

Hatter helped the struggling Cotton sit properly again, and nodded. "I've been avoiding this for quite a while, but it seems I've no choice. Perhaps the changes in Wonderland have altered her as well." But there wasn't much hope in his voice as he started walking off towards a dead-wood forest.

"Slow down," I called, but he just picked up pace. Apparently my one moment of authority was gone. I jogged to keep up, each step sending a shot of pain up my legs. "Where.. are we.. going?" I managed to puff out.

"If we want even the slightest chance of surviving, we must dress worthy of living. And the Queen likes her visitors well-dressed." Cotton was bobbing up and down with each step Hatter took, and I was hoping he would vomit on the Hatter just so he could slow down.

That, at least, explained why I would need a dress, though why it had to be white, I couldn't understand. "And where.. exactly.. are we ..going to find.. nice clothes?" I honestly thought my dress was good enough, but then again, I seemed pretty slow to the way things worked here.

"My mother keeps a decent clothes shop. She has even created a few of the Queens dresses." Cotton's voice quivered with pride.

"Which Queen?" I tried not to choke on my question.

"Why, the both of them, of course. They may not have much in common, but at least they both carry a sense of dress." Cotton twirled his whiskers like an aristocrat, and I tried not to roll my eyes.

Hatter stopped walking quite abruptly, and I crashed into his back with a thud that made us both tip forwards, and the hat he had given me slid forwards to cover my eyes.

"Are we here?" I pulled the hat back and blinked at the seemingly ordinary tree.

Hatter just rolled his eyes and knocked on one of the tree knots. I knew I shouldn't be surprised, but I still jumped when a huge root lifted itself and a furry white head popped out. I blinked at the face that looked like an older version of Cotton's, only this version was wearing a green dress.

The rabbit squinted, then burst into a smile. "Hatter, dear! I take it you've fixed our little dilemma?" Then she raised a whisker to Cotton and muttered, "Darling, are you sure you're eating well? You're looking awfully pale."

"That is because I am a _white_ rabbit, Mother." Cotton frowned at the smaller rabbit the same way I did with my parents.

This situation was just like one that my cousin had gone through, when a college friend of his brought his mother to see the dorms. We all had a good laugh behind our hands, and as I watched the rabbits argue, I had to turn away to hide a smile.

Cotton looked ready to bite someone when the Hatter stepped in with a smooth, "I'm afraid our problem is still in progress. We came as Mr. Glass suggested, and we've brought an _Alice_ with us." He pointed at me with a flourish.

I felt the smile wipe off my face in one short second. The full rabbit peered at me like a rotting pear at a fruit-stand, making my face go red with embarrassment. But when she spoke, she was friendly. "She looks nothing like the last one, but that's probably for the best, don't you think?"

Not waiting for an answer, she turned and hopped back under the root, calling over her shoulder, "Come along now. It's rude to waste Time."

Cotton waved for me to go first, but the last time I went down a rabbit-hole had been less than pleasant for me. Hatter seemed to read the distrust on my face. He shrugged and followed as Cotton made his way inside, leaving unsure if I wanted to try my luck.

I decided that now I was last, no one was left to kick me, and I could try my chances of getting in. I crawled in half-way with no trouble and grinned. Maybe this rabbit-hole was bigger. I crawled forward another inch- and my hips couldn't make their way through. I struggled, but managed only to jam myself further. I looked down the tunnel at Hatter's boots turning the corner, almost willing to stay behind to avoid humiliation.

But the thought of being jammed in place like a cork made me call, "Could you give me some help?"

Hatter's feet had disappeared, but as I watched, his head came back in view and he crawled his way back to me, face unreadable. "What is it you need help with?"

I felt my face heat up, but tried not to show my embarrassment as I muttered, "Well, it seems I have… gotten myself… stuck."

I had expected him to laugh, but instead his face turned almost sympathetic, and he whispered, "Poor silly Diana, always getting stuck or some such mess." He took my hands and said, "I'm going to pull, and you try to push forward with as much strength as you've got."

I didn't do anything more but nod, readying myself so I wouldn't scrap myself too badly. As Hatter began to tug and I felt myself easing forward, I realized that he wasn't really too Mad when the situation needed a level head. Or maybe his Madness helped him figure ways out of unusual situations?

Before I could decide on one, I was all the way inside the tunnel ,and Hatter was half-way around the corner. It figured even his crawling was inhumanly fast. I would have been very angry, but then I realized something else: he had finally called me by my real name. That thought made all my anger disappear, and I smiled in spite of myself.

I crawled along the dirty floor, regretting having worn a dress. Although these rabbits were unbelievably civilized, there was no way to keep a dirt floor clean. And I could feel my skirt ripping off just as the tunnel opened into something else.

This looked almost like my living room back home, only it was filled with dozens of white rabbits. The big and elderly were curled by a grateless fireplace, watching as a dozen young, small balls of fluff tackled Hatter and knocked his hat off his head. I couldn't see anything but his boots and one of his hands as he flailed about, and I giggled, glad to see someone could take him down. But then he called, "Look at the real, live Alice!" And there was nothing to sober me up faster.

I almost went into shock as I was tackled by two tiny rabbits in skirts, who bounced on my stomach and cried, "Look Mommy, a real Alice!" And as they bounced, all the other gathered around me, shrieking questions so fast that I couldn't have answered if I wanted to. Trying to see around the balls of white, I focused on Hatter as he plopped his hat back on his head. And when he caught my eye he grinned and tipped his hat at me.

I was about to ignore the fact that there were children present, opening my mouth to spit out curses, but then a shaky voice shouted, "SILENCE!" All the noise stopped, and the children backed away. I sat up with a gasp, rubbing my chest and trying to figure out who had gotten me out of that mess.

Cotton hopped forwards and said, "Grandfather Rabbit wishes to see you."

Figuring I had no other option, I stood and stepped forwards, for once glad to be short so my head wouldn't hit the ceiling. The others parted to let me through, except for the largest and most exhausted-looking of all. He peered up at me through a monocle, and wheezed, "I knew the first Alice, and I think I should tell you a bit about this world. Perhaps you could share your opinion, too…"

The reality hit me like a mallet in the gut: this wasn't just any rabbit. This as the original White Rabbit, alive and wanting to meet me.


	8. Chapter 8: ignoring guilt

**I am very sorry for how long this took. Writer's block is evil…**

Previously on _Diana in Wonderland_:

_Cotton hopped forwards and said, "Grandfather Rabbit wishes to see you." _

_Figuring I had no other option, I stood and stepped forwards, for once glad to be short so my head wouldn't hit the ceiling. The others parted to let me through, except for the largest and most exhausted-looking of all. He peered up at me through a monocle, and wheezed, "I knew the first Alice, and I think I should tell you a bit about this world. Perhaps you could share your opinion, too…" _

_The reality hit me like a mallet in the gut: this wasn't just any rabbit. This was the original White Rabbit, alive and wanting to meet me. _

But this shouldn't have been surprising. The Hatter and all the other characters were alive and well, so it confused me that he seemed to almost be..

"Yes, I am dying," He seemed to have read my thoughts. "I know it is hard to believe, especially when others, like the Hatter, still thrive. But it seems that now we have a choice in our survival, and I am long due for a rest." He snuggled closer to the flame. "Sit. I will be brief, and then you can get on with your quest."

I did as he said without a question, noticing how very much he reminded me of my dead grandfather..

"I am an old rabbit now, but I can still see you are nothing like the previous Alice. I think that is for the better. She kept going about as if this were all a dream, no matter how real we seemed. But you have believed in us almost from the beginning. That is good," Her coughed into his paw, "I think that you can save us, simply because you want to help at all. Cotton told me of you, the girl who brought life back to the old gardens, and asked for an adventure," He fixed his watery red eyes on me. "It was about that time that changes took place here-"

He burst into a fit of violent coughs, and Cotton turned me away. "Perhaps this has gone on far enough," he whispered, leading me to another chamber. But as I walked away, I could still hear his coughing echo, and gulped in guilt for having stressed him.

Cotton's mother came up behind us, twittering, "Oh, dear, what do we possibly have that could fit such a colossal girl? There is nothing, absolutely nothing at all-"

I tuned her out as I found myself in an even larger room, with spools of thread and familiar materials- "Hey," I cried, suddenly realizing something, "These are my missing things! I blamed the movers for it!" I turned to glare down at the two shaking rabbits. "Why in the World did you take these?"

"We're sorry, but we were in great need-"

Hatter came in and said, "Don't apologize to the Alice. She didn't need them anyways."

I opened my mouth to protest, but realized he was right. I had dozens of bolts and threads in my closet, and I hadn't touched any of them. At least here they seemed to be going to use. I pulled on a smile. "That's fine. You don't need to apologize."

I looked around the room, and my eyes reached a very familiar white dress. "That's what I was wearing in the reflection!"

"Then it must fit you," Hatter had found the black clothes that were in the reflection. He took it and made his way to the next room without another glance. I stuck my tongue out and turned back to the dress.

Cotton's mother went on her hind legs and began going through a needle-cushion. "Cotton," she snapped, "Leave before I kick you out."

He hopped off obediently, and I was alone with her. "Um," I muttered, "Mrs. Rabbit, where do I-"

"Call me Rose," she turned back and her whiskers twitched. "Why haven't you got the dress on yet? I can't fix what isn't on display."

Feeling very self-conscious, I peeled off my dress and stepped into the garment. The inside felt like silk, but I could tell the outside was designed with something else. I stood still as Rose made circles around me, feeling very small. "Is something wrong?"

It's very hard to read a rabbit's face, but I was pretty sure she was surprised. "My dear, this dress fits you perfectly."

I grinned at that, more than a little happy. Most things didn't fit me, at least not in regular stores. Usually I would have to hem up all my things, or I would be falling out of them. I touched the tulle skirt and asked, "Do you have a mirror?"

She held out a jagged little bit like a hand mirror, and I grinned. This dress looked just like the dress I had imagined for my wedding, If it ever came. It had a tulle skirt, a snug torso, and sheer sleeves, and I felt more at home here at the moment than I ever did in the real world.

I smiled at her, not at all upset anymore. "Now the only question is, how I'll get out of here without ripping this to shreds?"

She raised a whisker at me. "But Dear, didn't they tell you? There's another door, and it is big enough for you to pass without struggle."

I felt myself redden. I had to crawl and get dragged about through the mud _and there had been another way in_? Just as the anger started to mount, Hatter walked in and pointed to the hat I had taken off and put to the side, "You should put that somewhere safer."

I was about to tell him _exactly_ where I wanted to put it, when Cotton bounded in and cried, "Grandfather is getting worse!"

My anger disappeared as I heard the panic in his voice, and I followed as everyone rushed back to the common room. The White Rabbit was curled in a huge, wheezing ball of fluff, and surrounded by his family. Cotton crouched next to him and had a hushed conversation, then abruptly hopped to where the Hatter and I watched uselessly. "Let's go," he whispered, going down a path away from the room, and away from is terrified family.

Hatter once again strode past me, and this time I didn't mind the gap, more than eager not to be by the unhappy Cotton. After all, it was basically my fault that he couldn't stay with his family.

The dirt path led to a huge gap in the floor, like an old cellar dig-out. Standing by the exit, Hatter was shouting at Cotton in a way that made me freeze. "You've become absolutely useless!" His voice boomed around the walls, "All you do is shiver and sniffle, and that's begun to drag back progress. Stay here and get out of our way!"

"Stop that!" I marched up to Hatter and planted a firm slap on his face. He blinked, but still shouted, "And now this Alice is distracted, all thanks to you."

I would have given him another slap, but now I noticed that as strong as Hatter's words were, his face was alarmingly tender, like how my father looked when I almost crashed his car into our old tree. And that was when I understood what hatter was doing; if we tried to get Cotton to stay by being friendly, he would still feel obligated to come. But if he thought he was in the way, he could stay and help take care of the White Rabbit, and comfort the rest of his family.

I took a shaky breath and managed to snap, "Hatter has a point, Cotton. Outside this house you're distracted, and that could get us all killed. Just stay, and let us get on our way."

Cotton blinked his small watery eyes at us, and for a moment it seemed he realized our charade. A small tear trickled into his fur and he bowed, his shaking minimizing. "I understand. It was a pleasure working with you, and I hope your mission fares well."

As the rabbit hopped back the way we had come, Hatter placed a hand on his cheek, a mix between a grimace and a grin crossing his face. "Thank you for that. I couldn't take it if more than one white rabbit died."

So the Hatter was a good person, unusual and rude as he was. But I still didn't feel very warmly towards him, and I was _not_ going to apologize for slapping him; I had owed him that one, and I wouldn't let my guilt take over. I pointed to the gap in the ceiling. "What are we waiting for?"

Hatter climbed out first, then helped me by giving my arm such a hard yank my shoulder almost dislocated. After I finished cursing, he led the way at his break-neck speed, and I held up my shirts as I struggled to jog through the woods and towards the small shadow that must have been the Red Queen's castle.


	9. Chapter 9: unfortunate circumstance

Previously on _Diana in Wonderland:_

_So the Hatter was a good person, unusual and rude as he was. But I still didn't feel very warmly towards him, and I was __not__ going to apologize for slapping him; I had owed him that one and I wouldn't let my guilt take over. I pointed to the gap in the ceiling. "What are we waiting for?"_

_Hatter climbed out first, then helped me by giving my arm such a hard yank my shoulder almost dislocated. After I finished cursing, he led the way at his break-neck speed, and I held up my shirts as I struggled to jog through the woods and towards the small shadow that must have been the Red Queen's castle._

But apparently shadows must not work the same way in Wonderland that they did in the real world, because in less than a half hour we were in front of the giant brick building, which greatly resembled my old high school; it was huge and gothic, with full-scale windows and an ugly yellow brick that I had always hated. If I hadn't been so very close to fainting from lack of air, I would have turned and run back the way we'd come.

Hatter seemed to share my opinion, his face twisted into a very unhappy frown. "We'd best be moving, before the sentries come to greet us." He reached into his pocket and pulled out set of metal wires, and started fiddling with them.

I didn't understand what he was doing until I saw him trying to use one of the wires like a key. That caught me off-guard; Hatter was a lock-picker, too. Tea expert, hat maker, lock-pick- this guy was a twisted version of a Temp, and I had to admit I liked how the changes worked for him… except for the fast pace, rude attitude, and overall disregard for me.

I snapped out of my thoughts as he caught my wrist and tugged me inside the castle. I shivered as I walked in; the inside looked like Hell's version of an art museum, complete with statues that wept blood and begged us to kill them as we hurried past. But once we turned to the next corridor, the hall abruptly changed into a tribute to white and cherubs. "What the-" The rest of my words faded as we continued at his break-neck speed and turned another corner.

Now we were in something that seemed like a throne room crossed with a theatre. The décor was a mix of ugly brown and soft cream, and sitting on a huge gold-and-silver seat in the middle of the stage-like wall was a thin woman in red with a black veil over her face.

I was squinting at her with curiosity when a huge voice boomed, "KNEEL BEFORE ME!" And before I had the chance to blink, Hatter tugged me down on my knees next to him.

The voice, calmer now, called, "Come here, Hatter. And bring your little friend with you."

I started to stand, but Hatter pulled me back down and started crawling forwards. Cursing under my breath as my dress cleaned the floor, I followed. Once we were three feet from the stage, the woman lifted her veil.

I sucked in a breath from shock. "Mrs. Maple?" The Red Queen looked like one of my neighbors from back home, a young widow who never said much and seemed almost not to exist. Only this version of her had glaring red eyes and a single, huge wrinkle between her eyebrows.

I guess it was a good thing she didn't hear me, and I watched as the thin woman stood and marched over to the Hatter. "Tell me, Pagan," she purred, "How have you managed to get in without getting killed? And you made it with a little girl as well?"

Instead of worrying about the fact that I may be breathing my last, I blinked at the name she said. The Hatter's first name was Pagan? That was interesting, and distracted me so I didn't realize that the Hatter had pulled me to my feet until he said, "This is not just any child. She's my mate, and she's _with_ child."

The queen wasn't the only one to stutter at that; if he hadn't been holding my hand, I would have given him a nice slap. The queen started turning a strange pink, opening her mouth very wide, probably to call for the guards.

I had only a second to worry about dying, when Pagan- I mean Hatter- grabbed my head and jammed his lips on mine. It was not a romantic moment, and if I hadn't felt a little jolt I would have pulled away. But the jolt had been there, and I kissed him back shyly, forgetting about the queen and death and Wonderland, my world narrowing to this tiny moment.

And then he lifted his head, and a smile spread across his face. For a moment I thought he might actually say something nice, but instead he turned towards the other woman. "I knew that would work."

Angry at the spoiled moment, I snatched my hand away and folded my arms, barely glaring at the queen. And then I realized she was different. She still looked the same physically, but she was holding herself differently, more openly and with a huge smile on her face, actually _clapping her hands_ and giggling like my 4-yr-old cousin. "This is wonderful!"

Hatter swept himself into a bow and smiled back. "It's a pleasure, your Majesty."

Had I missed something? Why was Hatter being friendly now? I could feel a headache coming on, but managed to push it aside as Hatter motioned to me. "Your Majesty, this is Alice Diana. Alice, this is the White Queen."

Now she was the White Queen? I could feel a headache in the making. "So, now the queen has a double personality or something?"

Apparently, Wonderlanders didn't get sarcasm. The Queen nodded sharply. "Yes. When the lands first started changing, we both called a truce and met here to discover a solution. Unfortunately, as soon as we stepped into this room, we seemed to morph together, and now we are stuck taking turns in this body."

That sounded awful. Unsure what to say, I shrugged. They must not have expected a comment, because Hatter went straight to the point. "The Mirror sent us here, and we assume there must be something you need to say of value."

"Yes, yes, yes, but first let me get out of this awful red gown. I can't see what she sees in this color, it hurts the eyes…" And she pulled off the dress without any other warning, standing in her puffy undergarments with a happy smile on her face. I was grateful her underwear was not red as well. "Now let's get to work on this little problem of ours."

Hatter did not blink, but sat down Indian-style across from his ruler. Not sure what else to do, I mimicked him. "So," I tried to figure out a good place to start. "Um, when did the changes start?"

"We're not sure. At least a month ago…" The queen settled into her throne with a sigh. "I suppose it was about the time you moved in, Miss Diana."

Hearing my real name made me smile, but the Hatter said, "That still doesn't explain the riddle that Cat gave us."

The queen sat back thoughtfully as he recited it. "A curse perfected, and a cure reflected… Fascinating. Did Diana perhaps bring some form of disease with her? Were you from a place infected by darkness?"

I snorted. The entire universe was dark now, but there was no point explaining that, so I just shook my head. There had to be a deeper meaning I wasn't getting. The Cat had also mentioned another thing, about the universe being balanced in the mind's weakest path… What could that path possibly be? My headache was really a bother.

I had been concentrating so hard, I hadn't realized it until now, but Hatter's hand was laced with my own, warm and soft and unusually comfortable. Forgetting to be mad at him, I shuffled closer to him and rested my head against him arm, my lips still tingling from the false kiss.

And then he jumped back, dragging me several feet back across the floor. I blinked around in confusion, and then heard the queen's voice rise. "Guards, seize them!"

It seemed the Red queen was back. I turned to run, but Hatter tightened his hold on my hand and made us stand our ground as we were surrounded by men in red armor. "If she wanted us dead, she would have ordered our heads be off. She must, therefore, want something else from us, and that could be our assurance of survival."

I hated to trust someone Mad, but it wasn't like I had any choice. We were marched back to the Red queen, who was once again in her dress and did not look happy. "Now," she snapped, "Since you obviously think this Alice a genius of some sort, then she'll know how to cure me of my sister, no?"

I honestly had no idea how to do that, and squeezed Hatter's hand in fright. This caught the queen's attention, and she glared, "No ideas? Then you're of no use. Unless…" She started walking, and we followed with a prod from one of the guards.

We walked into another room, and I gagged.

This was a horrible version of a zoo crammed into one large space, and filled with every animal I had ever heard of, both real and fictional. From simple dogs to huge squids in little tanks, and from fairy to phoenix, they were all in cages they could barely fit in, all blinking sadly out of their prisons.

"This," red crooned, "Is my collection. I've got one of everything here, save for one species… I've always wanted to keep a pet Alice, and then you would never have to face the end of the world. What do you think, Hatter? I think she would go nicely with the sharks…"

I was now severely scared. It was one thing to die in Wonderland. But dying in some smelly cage or being fed to sharks was even worse. I watched as Hatter became uncharacteristically angry, and actually spit at the queen. It missed, but the intention was clear.

Her face grew as red as her dress, but in a voice as sweet as poison she whispered, "Give her to the sirens…"

My head rushed as three of the guards dropped their weapons and scooped me up. I kicked and screamed, and watched Hatter get held down by the rest as I was carried up to a murky tank at least ten feet deep. I couldn't swim, and I knew sirens were famous for drowning sailors, so that meant I had no way to live. I managed to focus on Hatter as they lifted the tank's lid, watching as his face went from furious to horrified, and I called out, "PAGAN-"

I was engulfed in the freezing water, splashing about as the thick folds of the dress took in water. I was now three times as heavy, and weaker, and my terror finally took hold. Unable to move, I sank.

Under the water, it was freezing but calm, almost as if time had stopped. I could see the siren mermaids swirling around me, making sure I couldn't reach the surface again. And, in the stillness of death, I understood everything.

The reason the changes started when I arrived is because I caused them. The Cheshire cat had said _the universe balanced in the mind's weakest path_. The mind's weakest path was the imagination, and the world of Wonderland was balanced by the imagination of however was near it. Everything had been the same because none had been near since the first Alice, and now was unbalanced because my imagination was merged with hers.

I was both the curse and the cure, because I could change the world with my imagination. It had changed for the worse because I had been thinking poorly. But if I tried to concentrate on something positive- _This is not a tank. There are no sirens and no water and I am not drowning. I am standing on the floor facing the red queen, and I am going to live through this…_

And then I opened my eyes, and I was fine. Soaking wet and breathing heavily, but no longer dying in a dirty fish tank. I smiled unsteadily at the queen, who seemed to be going into shock. And then I looked at the Hatter, who grinned and winked. I wished myself dry, and I was.

"As you can see," I said, trying to speak without panting, "I am in control of whatever happens here. And I think I'll be willing to help you, if you can compromise with me." I tried to look in control, but it is hard to do that when you are ready to collapse from exhaustion.

"All I want," she snapped, "Is to have my own body and to be in my kingdom without any more trouble or interference."

"And I would appreciate it if you released Hatter, before he is flattened."

The guards released Hatter, and I ran up to him for a hug. He twirled me in the air, and as I spun I watched the room transform. The animals were no longer there, and the walls did not look like they had been attacked by paint-balls. And when I was finally on my feet again, there were two queens in the room, who frowned at each other but did not fight.

"I'm sorry for any problems we've caused," the White queen smiled ruefully. "My sister is not one to say so, but she is grateful too."

I ran a hand through my hair, dying for a good rest. "I can go home and this will stay fixed, right?"

Now Hatter looked at me, and for some reason he looked miserable. "Yes, all you have to do is concentrate on being home, and you will be. But-"

I raised an eyebrow. "But what? Do you need help with something else?"

"No, but once you leave, all memories of us will drain. It happened to the first Alice, and it will happen to you. You'll never think of us again, and you can't come back if you don't remember."

This was like a stab in the gut. It had been a nightmare here for the most part, but it had been the best adventure of my life, as well. I didn't want to lose that, and I _really_ didn't want to lose the Hatter… Pagan…


	10. Chapter 10:surreal reality

**Author's note: I didn't really think this would be the last chapter to the story, but I guess all good adventures need to have an ending. Here's mine…**

Previously on_ Diana in Wonderland: _

_I raised an eyebrow. "But what? Do you need help with something else?"_

"_No, but once you leave, all memories of us will drain. It happened to the first Alice, and it will happen to you. You'll never think of us again, and you can't come back if you don't remember."_

_This was like a stab in the gut. It had been a nightmare here for the most part, but it had been the best adventure of my life, as well. I didn't want to lose that, and I really didn't want to lose the Hatter… Pagan… _

But I also wanted to go home, to television and democracy, and the family I wanted to thank for being normal. I took in a shaky breath, and smiled. "Don't worry. If I can make anything happen here, then certainly I can make myself remember this." I could tell he didn't believe me, so I gave him a hard punch on the arm.

He blinked in shock and massaged the spot. "What was that for, Diana?"

"For being rude." Then I stepped forwards and gave him a small kiss. "And that," I breathed, "Is for being yourself." And as I felt this wonderful peace, I concentrated on taking this feeling home with me…

I opened my eyes slowly, and breathed deeply. I had never had a dream so real, or so ridiculous. Why on earth would there be any need for my imagination? And why would I be silly enough to follow a clown and his magic rabbit anywhere in the first place?

I stood and stretched, feeling oddly stiff, like I had run a marathon. The dream had felt so real I was feeling it in reality. Tonight I would have to take Nyquil, and lots of it. And as I was heading for my kitchen, I noticed a small purple hat with a small royal blue ribbon tied around it; I knew it was impossible that it was from Wonderland, but for the life of me I couldn't remember when I had bought it.

As I sat in my kitchen drinking tea, I happened to look out the window, and sitting on my windowsill was a fat white rabbit with a twitchy nose. I blinked and looked away for a moment, and it was gone.

I went about my usual routine, getting the yard fixed and laundry done, and even remembered to call my parents. But as the weeks went by I felt more and more uneasy, sure there was something I was supposed to do. I went through every corner of the house, and nothing was missing. I called everyone and I hadn't missed any important events. And still something nagged the back of my head like a tiny headache, which I couldn't figure out.

When the phone rang one dull Tuesday, I almost didn't pick up, sure it was my mother asking to visit and check if I was doing my laundry. But the ringing bothered me, and I answered with a sharp, "Yes?"

"Hello," said a strange man's voice. "I'm calling on behalf of one of my patients. Is this Diana?"

This was what I got for answering without checking the caller ID. Hopefully it wasn't an hour-long survey. "Yes. What is this about?"

The man sighed in relief. "So you do exist. I would like to ask you some questions in person. Could you stop by Highland Hospital around three today?"

This was very strange. If I wasn't so bored I would have declined. "Sure. Who are you?"

"I'm Doctor Reynolds. Ask for me at the desk and I'll be right with you."

Half an hour later I was sitting in a white office of a small Hospital, looking at the white walls and squeaky furniture with curiosity. I squinted at the name plate over the glass desk. "Doctor Martin Reynolds… of the Psych Ward?"

I blinked several times and stood, ready to leave, just as the small balding man walked in. "Thank you for coming, Miss Diana. I now this must all seem strange to you-"

"More than a little. Why am I talking to a man in the psychological department?" I didn't want to sit, but did so anyways. "Am I going to end up in a straight-jacket?"

He chuckled, sitting across from me. "No. In fact, you might be able to help me with a patient who claims to know you. We found him running around on the expressway not far from your home, saying quite a few impossible things."

I frowned, unsure what to think. "So, who is it? Can I see him?"

He nodded. "Just let me get down a few notes. You've been in this town for how long?"

I frowned. "About six months now, give or take a week."

"Amazing… and I see you are wearing a rather unusual hat. Do you know where that came from?"

I shrugged, feeling peculiar that he asked me about that specifically. I had been wearing that hat every day since my unusual dream, for comfort. "I really can't remember. But can I see this person now?"

The doctor smiled and nodded. "Of course you can. Just follow me. And mind you, this man is insane." He led me down a white corridor that stank of sanitizer and Pine-sol, and then opened the door to a common room.

The room was just as sickly white as the corridor, with large men in scrubs by every door. There were no windows, and the half-dozen men in hospital gowns all looked miserable. Two were playing ping-pong, one was singing "Mary had a little lamb" very off-tune, one was scribbling, one was rocking back and forth, and the last was sitting with his back to me.

The last man had a thick head of brown hair and his shoulders were more firmly set than the rest, almost like a respected businessman just accused of fraud. Dr. Reynolds brought me back to reality, saying, "If you'll allow me…"

But I shook my head and stepped forth, the knot in my stomach telling me this man was someone I knew. I could feel the doctor and two of the nurses watching in anxiety, but I felt no fear. Once I was next to the man, I placed my hand on his shoulder.

He turned, and a huge wave of memories hit, like a dam in my mind had been breeched. I remembered that same face, frowning at me when I walked too slowly, smiling when the hat he gave me fit, and saddened just before I had to leave…

How could I have forgotten? I fell to my knees next to him, and threw my arms around his neck. "Pagan," I whispered, and for the first time in a long while I felt like everything was finally right.

He hugged me back for a moment then drew back with a frown. "What took you so long?"

And then Dr Reynolds had to ruin the moment, asking, "So his name is really Pagan?"

I tried to put on an arrogant face. "I cannot believe you kept this poor man locked up for being a bit eccentric." I had to come up with an excuse for his general oddness. "He happens to have a problem confusing dreams with reality, but all you have to do is make sure he has Nyquil before bed and he's fine."

"So you do know him?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course I know him. He's my fiancé, but he wasn't supposed to arrive until next week." I shook my head. "He always tries to surprise me, and then messes like this happen. Could you let him come home now?"

An hour later, Hatter was back in his clothes and we walked hand-in-hand on the streets. I couldn't contain my curiosity for long. "How did you get here?"

He grinned. "Through a rabbit hole, of course. I wasn't sure quite how to do it, and then I realized that if you could do it without knowing how, then not knowing had to be the way."

I pretended to understand. "And why did you decide to visit?"

His hand on mine tightened. "There seemed to be something off about Wonderland once you'd gone. A t first I thought you might have changed something you shouldn't have, but that wasn't it. And then I thought perhaps I might have lost a bit of my madness, but Cheshire said I was as Mad as ever. And then Cotton told me that if the only thing missing was you, then that must be what was bothering me."

This only confused me. "So what are you doing here?"

"Do you know, I don't know? I simply found myself saying I had to see you, and then I stepped into Cotton's home for tea and ended up here instead. And now I'm here, even though almost everything I know is gone, I feel like I'm in my proper place." His green eyes sparked for a moment, and I almost leaned in to kiss him.

Actually, I did, but at the last second he turned away and pointed to the streets. Ignoring my frustration, I listened as he said, "Do you know, when I got here there were these unusually large, shiny shoes on wheels that made strange noises as they passed? And when I looked in the holes, there were other Alices inside? I thought they were in trouble, so I jumped on one to rescue them. But the shoe was very hard, and I bounced right off it. And then the person talked into a pink stone, and then some other Alices all in white kidnapped me and put me to sleep? And then I spent quite a lot of time telling them to find you, my Alice Diana, and finally you came?"

He talked much faster than I remembered, and I was still laughing about his mistaking cars for shoes when I realized he had a point to his monologue. "I don't understand what you're trying to say," I admitted.

"I am trying to say that I would go through that all over again as long as you were there at the end of the story. And now that we are here, I wanted to ask you something rather important."

I looked at his dead-serious face and felt my heart accelerate. Was he about to propose?

He took off his hat and stopped walking, standing and looking down at me with a very serious, almost nervous expression. "Diana, you have proved time and again to be very smart, in your own way. So I was hoping you might guide me in the human world, and let me stay with you?"

This was not the proposal I had been expecting. I didn't want to be a guide, but if that was what it took to be close to him… I tried to hide my disappointment. "Yes, I will be your guide, until you no longer need me."

He looked around as a car passed, and laughed. "There is no danger of that any time soon." And, still laughing, he swooped down and gave me a surprisingly expert kiss, which left me giggly and confused. "I still remembered that from before you left, and I was wondering if there were other things like that you could teach me as well. They feel rather fantastic, but I only want to try them with you."

Feeling much better than a few seconds ago, I remembered the final image the mirror had shown us: me pregnant with the Hatter talking to my belly. I grinned up at him. "Don't worry. I have plenty left to guide you on." With that happy note, I took his hand and we continued our lazy stroll to my house. There was no hurry though, because I knew I had plenty of time with him.

_10 months later… _

No, I did not get knocked up that fast. The Hatter and I were still living together, and still definitely virgins. But I finally got to visit my Godfather who made all those unusual and wonderful things possible. Smiling at him from across the visitation table, he still managed to look happy in handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit. "I'm very happy to say that if I'm good, I can get parole in twenty years." He didn't seem to mind the fact that he would be sixty by then.

He squinted at me from across the table. "It seems living on your own agrees with you. You've got this glow around you…"

"Well," I said, not sure what he knew about the place, "It's been really great. I can eat and sleep whenever I want, and I made loads of new friends." I decided not to mention most of them were not human, or supposed to exist at all.

"Maybe I'll get to meet them once I'm free. After all, there's nothing like being around young people to keep me feeling happy."

I had to agree with him. And so I finish by passing down a little wisdom from a good friend:

Never lose your child-like enthusiasm, and good things will come your way…

**Thanks for reading and being patient with my updates. I love all my loyal readers. Unfortunately, I've only got one thing left to say.**

**THE END!**


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